I feel stupid.... in a Mad Season

Some times art speaks to me more than others. It may not all apply but parts will resonate as if at this moment in time... the art was made for me. This time it's Mad Season by Matchbox 20.

I know what I did. There are a fair number of factors going in.

In part there's the uncertainty of my job and the economic issues facing my program. I can't go into details but needless to say it'll be a rough 5 or 6 months. As a result of this uncertainty I appear to be losing some of my best employees. I suppose I can't say I blame them. Why continue to sail on a ship when it appears headed straight into an sea of icebergs? It is going to be a rough next year or so... unless something miraculous happens. We hope to be stimulated.

And in other parts of my life... the song applies. I can say that not all the lyrics apply but the spirit of the song is still there. Surely there are things I could have done differently. I made a decision where both sides of it could have ended in regret... but only one side meant moving forward. I had spent more than enough time waiting and contemplating. It was time to act. It may have been foolish. It maybe that I rushed it. But I've missed opportunities before because I've been indecisive.

Life involves risk. We can't always be safe. Life often presents us with choices that involve staying safe with what we know or stepping out into the unknown. This time I chose the latter. It may be madness and I may feel stupid. I will likely feel foolish and sad for a time... and yet in many ways the risk was still worth it to know what I know now... and step into the future eyes wide open.

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Mad Season - Matchbox 20
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWRFO23tEN4

I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - and I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down?

Well I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - I think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why you gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

I feel stupid, but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

And now I'm cryin'
Isn't that what you want?
And I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't, no,
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I come undone
And I come undone

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

Well I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone
I come undone in this mad season

In this mad season
It's been a mad season
Been a mad season